2 posts in 4 days!

First of all, thank you to those of you who have emailed or texted.  Your kind words, support and prayers mean so much to me and I am very appreciative.

So here's where things are at as of today... dad is still in the hospital and we don't think it's going to be until Christmas.  Sigh.  My Uncle went up to visit dad on Thursday and took a picture of the board in his room and at that point it did say he was certified until December 25th at 10:40am.  Really?  A Christmas morning discharge?  That's just dumb (and I really wanted to say retarded but apparently I'm not supposed to say that anymore).  Mom went up Sunday to see him and said that has been taken off the board and that he is also allowed to sign himself out to go down for coffee for 30 minutes stretches.  The visit itself did not go well, dad is very resentful towards her and she left after 10 minutes.  He was texting her afterwards and said, "You want a war the war is on".  Mom is not confrontational with him but he is so bitter and she is the easiest target.  She always says that she's okay with him taking his anger out on her and that she can deal with him being angry at her but I would think it takes a toll after a while.  My heart hurts for her (and the fact that my heart is actually feeling something is a good thing too!).

The doctor called my mom today and basically said he knows dad tries to bluff/lie about things.  He asked if mom would be willing to take dad home again and she said yes but that this would be the last time.  He agreed and said he would support her at any time.  They are keeping him for now to get a psych assessment and they also want to get his night terrors/dreams under control before they discharge him.  She said he is going to call her next week again and touch base, see where things are at... so it sounds like dad will be in for another week for sure.   Once again, praise God that dad was admitted under the same doctor this time around.

What to pray for?  My mom, brother and sister-in-law - for patience and grace through the hospital visits and for my dad as well, that God would soften his heart and start to take away some of the anger and resentment.

What I'm grateful for... my husband and my friends.

Thanks for reading.

Update - Prayers Needed

My mom called me Wednesday morning.  She woke up to the RCMP banging on her door at 4:00 in the morning.  They had dad in the back of their police car. They had been receiving calls about a man causing a disturbance - walking up and down the street, yelling and hitting stop signs with a hockey stick.  Turns out it was my dad.  Mom told them he has Lewy Body Dementia and said they were very nice and understanding.  They brought him into the house - mom went upstairs and by the time she came down he was gone again.  She looked up and down the street and couldn't see him so she called 911.  Within minutes they were at the door because they were getting disturbance complaints again - she told them he was gone again and that she had just called 911.  So they went out looking and finally found him laying in a snowbank around 6:30am.  Said the only reason they found him was because they heard his cell phone go off.  Dad was being less than cooperative and they were unable to restrain him so they called in EMS who sedated him and brought him to the hospital.  He spent the day there (sedated as he kept trying to leave) and was admitted.  He has since been certified by the doctor (which means he has to stay there) and when I spoke to the nurse yesterday she said he is not allowed to leave the floor without a family member and would be there until at least Christmas.  I would rather hear that from the doctor and just hope that it's true.  My mind keeps going back to the last time this happened when we were told he was not going to be discharged and he was.

The God moments... I texted my dad around 6:30 and I believe it was my incoming texts they heard when they found him.  He was also admitted under the same doctor who was overseeing him 2 1/2 years ago!  I had said to mom when she called, "It's too bad he couldn't get the same doctor as last time." God is always erasing doubt and I know that whatever happens, He is walking with us through this journey.

Wednesday was a bad day for me - I cried like I haven't cried in a long time... which resulted in a horrendous headache and I ended up staying home for the day.  I spent the morning listening to worship music, reading my bible and texting with my sister-in-law.  She was honest with me about how my dad has been doing over the past few months.  Her text read, "He hasn't been in a good place for a long time.  Good days are still bad days.  It's daily,  noticeable to strangers. Eyes closed leaning against the boards at hockey, giggling & smiling at the floor, getting lost in crowds, wandering on his own when he clearly shouldn't be.  Things are developing & changing all the time. This is a roller-coaster & somehow we have learned to tolerate more & more."  What to say?  This is the most information I've gotten about dad in months.  I asked her if she would be my source of information through the next little while and she said yes, although she may paint pictures I don't want to hear and she would be brutally honest with me.  I told her I want brutal honesty.  I am very grateful she is a part of our family.

Where things are at:  Dad texted me Wednesday night like everything was fine.  Said he figured mom was mad and that he was feeling fine.  "Lewy and dreams.  Oh well.  Glad everyone understand."  Seriously???  I told him it wasn't just a dream and if his dreams start taking him out of the house in the middle of the night then that's a pretty serious problem.  He said "enough",  I said good night and I haven't heard from him since.

So... what to pray for?  That God will give the doctor's overseeing my dad discernment.  Peace for my brother as he visits dad and strength for everyone involved.

What I'm grateful for... God.

The Elephant on Facebook

This was Dad's post on Facebook yesterday:

"Another visit with my mom. Some say it is my dreams but I'm not to sure about that anymore. No matter what this kind of visit during the night I can live with. Dam I sure miss you mom and I really like your night time visits. They do not scare me, they make me so very happy.  Mom always asks about my brothers. She tells me how beautiful her Great Grandkids are and how proud she is of our kids. She wishes she could be with us but being with Dad is all she has wanted for so many years. I have never talked about this before but you need to no how mom is doing." (just a side note that he did tag his brothers in the post as well - I took their names out for privacy).  

I commented on his post, said I thought that was awesome and thanked him for sharing.  To be honest, I didn't know if I should comment on it at all - it's kind of like when someone gets cancer and you don't know what to say or if you should say anything.  The illness is the elephant in the room... or on your Facebook feed.  And it's just as easy to hide someone on Facebook as it is to avoid them in life.  

But then dad texted me later in the day quite angry that nobody had responded to his post.  He said he was disappointed because the people that mean so much to him hadn't even "liked" it.   We texted back and forth a few times and I also got the sense for the first time that he is angry at being sick.  A death sentence he said.  It makes me so very sad that my dad has to live knowing what is happening to him and how it's going to end.  

So what's a person to do?  I myself have hid many people on Facebook... and none of them are sick and dying.  I know dad puts some out there stuff on Facebook and it can get annoying at times and that hide button is just so tempting.  Really, it would only take a few seconds to drop down and click on it... the same amount of time to click the "like" button... and only a few seconds longer to make a quick comment.   What do you say?  Honestly, I don't know.  But I also never would have realized how important it was to my dad to have someone comment on his post. 

What you can pray for... that my dad's hallucinations continue to include his mom and are not bad (he has ones that he won't talk about).   

What am I thankful for?  My text conversations with my dad cause when he is texting, it's generally a sign that he's doing better.