I think one of the reasons my Dad has seemingly overtaken my life is because it's all that gets talked about. I've thought about blogging a few times but honestly, I really didn't know if it was my place to blog about my Dad and I still don't know if it is my place, but what I do know is that I need a place to keep my friend's updated. I do know that this whole thing is and my emotional reactions to it is affecting everyone around me. I have had been told numerous times that I need to take care of myself and to me, this is part of taking care of myself - I need to stop talking about "all things Dad" all the time and the only way I can see that happening is through blogging. I guess I am hoping that this will be therapeutic for me and I can start to breathe again because I feel like I have been consumed and swallowed up by all things Dad since July 17th of this year. I need to breathe again for myself, my sanity and for my husband and the kids.
I cry. I am a crier. And if I start talking about how I really feel I won't be able to stop crying.
The problem is there are no nutshell answers when it comes to Dad and
the long story short answer is that things are awful right now and he's
dying. The short story long answer is pretty messy. I am not doing very well right now. I am pulling away from my friends, I am pulling away from my husband. I avoid phone calls (incoming and outgoing) with my family because I don't want to talk about my Dad. After Thanksgiving I started pulling away from my Dad too and then he phoned the Wednesday after and we talked for an hour - it didn't go well and now I am avoiding him too. I feel resentful towards everyone and then comes the guilt because he's dying and I shouldn't feel that way.
So I will blog, I will continue to pray and hopefully through this I can find peace.
