My mom phoned tonight to say Happy Anniversary and when I asked how dad was doing she said not good. She said she definitely notices a decline and the bad days are becoming more common. His balance is not good and he has fallen 5 out of the 7 days this past week. I asked mom to keep me updated on how dad is doing... she said she just doesn't want to worry me or stress me out and thought that my sister-in-law and I talked about things... which we do, just not an awful lot about dad. I have been trying to text with my brother more to keep in touch with him but he's not really the detail type and isn't really forthcoming with any information. In saying that, I do know that he's not doing anything deliberately, he's just never been very chatty about stuff.
Mom and dad have been down the past two Thanksgivings but she said that they can't come this year. I told my husband the other day I wasn't sure if dad would be able to come here again. I wish we were closer so that we could spend more time with him when he's good. It makes me sad that my kids don't have any grandparents in the same city. Mom and dad go to all of my nephew's practices, games and tournaments and I'd be lying if I said it didn't bother me. It's nobody's fault but I get angry. I get angry and I get jealous. I love it here. Our story began here 17 years ago when we got married and there have been so many chapters added since then. Our friends, our Church, my husband's business is established here, my job and the kids are rooted here. Maybe not so much our youngest... but the girls, my oldest in grade 10 is finally coming into her own and it would break her to leave our life here. Our roots are deeply planted here and I can't imagine living anywhere but here.
What to pray for? My mom as she cares for my dad. For patience and grace and that she can find some peace for herself in this stupid disease that controls both of their lives. For my dad and his health, his balance - that he doesn't fall down the stairs at home and seriously hurt himself.
What am I grateful for? I am grateful for today. For the first time in a very long time I actually felt happy and content this afternoon and it felt so very good. Praise God for helping me to slowly take down the walls around my heart.
Thank you for reading.
